An Unremarkable Heart

After a 12 1/2 hour shift, I have a half hour straight bus ride. I hate going past restaurants and seeing people drinking drink, I can’t drink, and eating food I can’t eat, with friends, I don’t have, or a love ill never feel, spending money I don’t have, talking about a job, I could never get, before going home to a house ill never own.

<3

I know it’s late, we’re nearly in the middle of May, and I’m doing an April recap. but I really haven’t been focussing on my weight loss and measurements. I’ve been distracted by my jaw surgery, and the fact that my teeth can’t part more than half a cm.
I still need to do my measurements. I only got as far as my arms (losing half an inch on the left, and staying the same on the right) and my waist (losing half an inch), but I will re do them all and do clear comparisons. I do feel slimmer, my clothes are looser, I feel less bloated. 

Weight Update

6th April - 227lbs 
14th May - 216.4lbs
Total: 10.6lbs 

I’m happy with that, It’s sticking with my goal of a 2lb a week loss. I would have liked to have got to the gym more and shrunk, in the inches department, but I have progress and that’s motivation to do better next month. Well, this month.
At one point, since I was at my highest weight of 270+ I managed to get down to 210lbs, which was last year some time; So I’d like that to be my next goal and go from there. I picked up my prescription goggles from the opticians, so now I can be more confident swimming as I’ll be able to see where people are, and see the clock to time myself. I’m very excited about that. 

Smile Progress

The three wisdom teeth have been extracted. My melon face is gradually going down, I can chew soft food, if I can get it through the gap in my teeth, but that is no more than half a cm.
He managed to take out the stitches, how, with such a small gap I don’t know, but they’re out. He says it’s still very bruised in there, my tongue has constant pins and needles like I’ve burnt it, it’s bruised and grazed. But he says it’s healing nicely and will take a few more weeks, to completely heal. It’s frustrating not being able to open my mouth or eat food properly. I can’t yawn, sneeze, or cough without pain, but I’m glad the stitches, and the teeth themselves are out. 

He will check again on 4th June, and we’ll review our next step, which is fissure sealants, periodontal treatment, and then eventually invislign with my free whitening, for a straight white smile! 

Right now, I’m going to read some Game of Thrones, and get an early night. I’m so exhausted and have a headache, on the border of migraine. 

Stay Happy, Healthy and Positive!! x :o) x

Did I mention I’m hungry?
My jaw can now open wide enough for a teaspoon to enter, and can stay open longer, so soup has been added to the menu with mousse and ice cream. My tongue is STILL partially numb!!
I have lost weight this week, 3.3lbs, which will probably go back on when I can eat again, unless I’m extra careful.
To be honest, I would have rather stayed the same or put on, and been able to eat, than be so hungry and lose weight. It’s depressing, and frustrating not being able to eat, and it’s only been 5 days. I can’t imagine what it’s like for people that need to be fed through NG and PEG tubes.
I will appreciate a lot more, the ability to chew, swallow, and the fact I have access to enough food to keep me full.
I’m due monthly measurements which I will try and do sometime this week. I’m on a night shift tonight and tomorrow night, off Thursday, then on long days Friday and Saturday. My stitches come out next week, and also have my math exam sometime next week but no confirmed date and time.

I had a great weekend with manfriend pooch sitting. We stayed in a watched TV and snuggled lots, and it was great, I miss him lots already :(

I will never take for granted the ability to chew, swallow, talk, and drink without a straw, again.
I’ve not eaten since half 1 Thursday morning whilst on night shift, what I wouldn’t give for more than sipping alpro chocolate milk!!
I’m finally able to lick my lips! So they can stop cracking and bleeding from dehydration.

Seriously, if it’s not one thing it’s another.

Not looking forward to having sutures out next week.

Harry potter marathon today i think, and might have a go at trying mashed cauliflower or potato

I have half a post saved in drafts, which is an expansion of this. But I’m so tired, in pain, out of it, that I can’t finish it tonight.
But to note: Night shift followed by jaw surgery is a bad idea, especially as it got complicated.
Secondly I’ve had a 4.3lb loss over the last two weeks. Which I’m really pleased about considering I haven’t been to the gym, just watching what I eat. I’m still on my way for 2lb loss a week for glastonbury.
Also, I am still building my page for vegan information, but ill put the link on my blog tomorrow, anyway, so it’s accessible, however it’s still under construction.

It’s going to be a long week. I’m still uncomfortable because of my infected wisdom, but it’s not complete agony like it has been, so antibiotics are working.
There’s been some changes in shifts and my week ahead. I’m finding it hard to keep track and plan where I am and what I’m doing! 
so far the plan is: 

Monday - 12.5 hour shift
Tuesday - 12.5 hour shift
Wednesday - 12.5 hour Night Shift
Thursday - gym/swim tutorial at uni
Friday - Gym/swim - dentist for wisdom extraction under sedation
Saturday - Go up to see Manfriend for the rest of weekend till Monday, and study/recover whilst there.

I’m trying to get the dentist changed to Thursday, It’ll be after a night shift, but It means I can go and see manfriend a day earlier like I was suppose to; but, I think that’s going to be unlikely as they won’t have to appointments available. Also, terrified of the procedure, I mean concious sedation? apparently I won’t remember the operation. I find this an uncomfortable thought, I’d rather remember it and it be painless, rather than be awake but not remember what happened. 

I have an exam in June to prepare for, which is a lot of research and reading, we can take 30 references in with us, a 2000 word essay to write, and an exam w/b 13th May to study for, at the same time as doing all the hours I can at placement, which includes an assessment, and trying to see manfriend at least once a month, whilst having bouts of flu, wisdom extractions, constant bone pain, migraines, and just being constantly tired. 

BUT, it is not how much our worries weigh us down, it’s about how far we lift them above our heads, and yell I’M A BEAST! HEAR ME ROAR!
The sun will rise another day, the birds will continue to sing, and life will continue to throw shit at you, it’s all about how good your reflexes are to duck at the right times. You know what I’m trying to say… Stay positive, there is always someone that cares, and life is too short to be miserable, find the happiness in every day, and cling to it like your comfort blanky. It’s what will get your through. 

Full on honesty with you guys. I haven’t eaten nearly enough over the last few days, and what I have isn’t healthy.

I can’t open my mouth enough to eat because of an infected, half erupted wisdom tooth, but when I do get my jaw loosened enough, usually mid afternoon, when I’m dosed up on analgesia; I eat carb based food like mini hash browns, and just nibble.
I also haven’t been to the gym, I’m exhausted from hardly getting sleep from pain. I don’t think the antibiotics the dentist gave me are doing anything. It’s a shame he didn’t give me painkillers! 

I have a 12.5 hour shift tomorrow that I HAVE to do, to try and keep my hours up. I’m already short 23 over the 3 weeks, so I’ll have to make them up at some point. It only means doing 4 12.5 hour shifts, instead of 3. 

Went to uni today for the math tutorial, as I have to retake the exam (an exceptional 3rd attempt as they keep drumming into me). How he understood what I was saying I don’t know! and he said I have the mind of a mathematician and has no idea where I’m going wrong in the exams, which is nice, but bad. The exams the week beginning 13th May just to add to my list of worries! 

My brain can’t stop thinking about how much work I have to do, I really don’t know how I’m going to get through this course. All I can focus on is the amount of pain I’m in, and how I’m going to make it till Friday when he takes them out under concious sedation, which the thought of terrifies me! 

Extending from the previous post: A Journey to a Better Me; Stage 2 - The Smile, I went back to the dentist today as the pain was excruciating, I couldn’t open my mouth more than to put a straw in, and had really bad pain when I swallowed. A combination of Tramadol and paracetamol was merely leaving me with a dull ache for a couple of hours so I could sleep.
He told me what I already knew, that its very inflamed, sore, and infected. As the antibiotics he gave me before (metronidazole) make me itch, he decided not up the dosage of them, but to give me another antibiotic (Augmentin) to take as well as the Metronidazole, yes I still take the itchy one. He also recommended we push forward the day when he’ll remove them all, (about time!!) which he was going to do anyway after the peridontal treatment and sealing my fissures. 
I now have an appointment for the 3rd of May to have all my remaining (3) Wisdom teeth extracted under concious sedation. That pissed me off. I was suppose to go up to manfriend on 3rd, he was going to get it off work so we could have a long weekend together as it’s bank holiday, and his sister is going away, we were dog sitting ,with the house to ourselves, but no. I’ll be too out of it to go up there after, but I might be able to go the following morning but that’s at a push.
My mum offered to swap our appointments as her was on 1st, but I have shifts then, because I made a point of having shifts at the beginning of the week so I could go away. I could of cried. 
I then went into town and my mum bought me a pair of black summer trousers. I bought a nice summer top to go with it, with tassels. Also a fab jumper and book in the charity shop. Retail therapy heals all wounds, even though I hate shopping, It’s better with a coffee cooler in hand and the sun shining. 

Stay Happy, Healthy and positive!! x :o) x

On Monday I had a 12 1/2 hour shift, where I felt a bit of discomfort in my right bottom wisdom, when I got home and throughout the night it just got worst, I was in extreme pain. I ended up falling asleep with an ice pack on my cheek, waking up every couple of hours, and having an ice lolly for breakfast. Just placing it on my inflamed gum, the relief was immense, I can’t believe how much heat it was producing.

Luckily I already had an appointment for the dentist at 6pm, but my mum decided to ring up and see if I could have earlier one, as my face had ballooned, I couldn’t speak, and did I mention the PAIN!

My appointment was for a full check up and to devise a dental plan to eventually give me a straight white smile. I managed to get an earlier time slot, which didn’t make any difference because he just gave me antibiotics as my wisdom is infected; I wanted the bastard out! So now it’s Wednesday night and I’m still in agony; I have been taking antibiotics and pain killers. I slept on and off most of the day, taking advantage of when the pain killers kicked in. I’ve already rang work and told them I can’t go in tomorrow, If my mum can’t understand what I’m saying how can service user’s? Also, I’ve had to pinch my brother’s more powerful painkillers to get some kind of relief. It has finally eased a bit.

Anyway! Exciting times. The Smile stage; The first session on the 8th May will involve me having fissure sealants and periodontal treatment. Basically I have a mild case of gum disease, so he’s going to clean it up, get rid of the plaque and give my gums some room to heal. There are also three teeth that have mild tartar in the fissures on the top, he’s going to clean them and seal the top, so it doesn’t happen again, and make them easier to clean. He says it’s not as bas I thought in there, and my teeth are in pretty good nick.

The next appointment after that, yet to be booked, will be the Extraction/Sedation appointment! This is where he’s going to remove all my current wisdom teeth. I’ve had the top left out already, so it’ll be bottom left, and top/bottom right, but the bottom ones have to be removed surgically. I’ll be given a sedative so that I’m concious but sleepy and won’t remember the procedure. I’m looking forward to getting these out, they’ve given me so much pain and discomfort since they first ‘erupted’ as they say, years ago, I’ll be glad to see the back of them. There is another tooth, last one on the top left, that he said has decay and might also need to be removed. But he did a Panoral x-ray, and found that it’s not that bad, and may just need a filling. I said I wouldn’t mind having it out but its my dominant chewing side and its a tooth you use for chewing, so it’s worth a thought,. If I didn’t have it I might lose weight, or learn how to chew differently!

During the above appointments I’ll have my fitting for the Invisalign, which is an invisible retainer, and will straighten my teeth, the plan also comes with free teeth whitening, reviews and refinements.

It’s going to be a very long and expensive process, but I know it’ll be worth it, at each stage I know I’ll feel and see an improvement. Knowing that because I’m going, my Mum, who has a horrendous terror of dentists, is getting her teeth sorted too, as I believe they are the culprits for her heart disease, her low confidence, low self esteem, and everything else. So it’s worth it already.

An Unremarkable Heart: A Journey to a Better Me

(Source: kaylamajaney)

Wisdom teeth; why do we need them? They make us no more intelligent. I got through a degree without wisdom teeth, and all they do is cause inflammation, a temperature, sinus damage, and horrendous PAIN! 3 times I’ve been through this.
Ones half erupted, ones been taken out, and one currently taking a Zumba class within my gum. I don’t even know what the other ones doing.
I was up at 5am yesterday and I’m exhausted.

GET OUT OF MY MOUTH!!!!